oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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