My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
