I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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