True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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