wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
