you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
