you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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