why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Text me some of your sweat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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