I need to stop coming to work sober
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
