White coat. Heels.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
