I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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