At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
