I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
