are you still at the devil's house?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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