the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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