You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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