do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
