How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
