hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
