shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
