just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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