Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
