Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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