I'm really into asian looking animals
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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