Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
