went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
