The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
