Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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