id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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