His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
