He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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