Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
