How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
