More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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