she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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