U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
