1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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