One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm passing your future prison.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
