C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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