if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
