I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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