I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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