Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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