let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
