Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
