need another drink. this is the easiest way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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