I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
