I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
