he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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