Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
