i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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