Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
