All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Screwed.edu
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
