end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
