This is not my ceiling
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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