I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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