He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your penis caused this!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
