If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
