I could have mohawked her pubes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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