thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
