Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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