I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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