The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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