nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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