Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
