I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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